What we resist, persists

The title of this blog is a quote from Sonia Johnson. I haven't been able to find the context for this quote so I'd be interested to hear from anyone who knows but for now I am interested in exploring what I, and you, make it mean.

I'm going to leave what you make it mean up to you - though, of course, I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

What do I make it mean? To me, it works at two levels -consciously and unconsciously (or subconsciously, I'm never quite sure of the difference).

At a conscious level we know that there are things that we avoid, procrastinate about or simply aren't comfortable with and so ignore, or resist, in the hope that they will go away. Do they? Probably not is I think the answer. No matter how good most of us are at developing strategies that often convince even ourselves that they have, or they don't matter, aren't important.

At an unconscious level much more is going on. There are things that we are so uncomfortable with, so afraid of that we work really really hard to make sure they don't even make it as far as the conscious. Does this matter? Well, possibly not. Or possibly yes. We are working really really hard to do this. That means we are spending a lot of our energy, albeit not consciously, to keep the world looking a certain way. Why do we do this? Probably some deep rooted survival mechanism that is trying to protect us, to keep us safe. Unfortunately, I believe that however well intentioned this might be it is misguided. Like so much of life, it is the thought of things that is usually so much worse than the reality.

And don't forget the key word - persists. Whatever it is it doesn't go away. And I'm not about to tell you that I can wave my magic wand (as beautiful as it is) and make it go away. It might. Or it might not. What we can do (with or without the wand) is stop resisting it. It takes much less effort and energy to be with it and you might be surprise by what happens. Perhaps it isn't as scary as you imagined. Perhaps it's just as scary and you are ok with that. Just a little less tired from using all that energy resisting it.

So, what does it mean to you? I'd like to invite you to take a quiet moment today, have a look around inside yourself and see where you are working hard and using your energy to keep something away. And then I'd like to invite you to be with it for a while and notice if anything changes.

And I'd love to hear from you.
Lesley x

First, do no harm

I have recently learned that it is a myth that the phrase, "first, do no harm" forms part of the Hippocratic Oath. It is, however, a phrase that I love and that I think can serve us all in all our lives.

If I asked you to think about who you have had an impact on today what would be the answer? I suspect that for many it would be a resounding "no-one". For those of you for whom this is the case I would like to suggest otherwise. Indeed for those of you who came up with more than no-one I would also like to suggest otherwise. I believe that the majority of us live our lives not consciously aware of the impact that everything we do has on someone, somewhere.

Let me tell you a brief story by way of example:

When I was a student I had a part-time job on the deli counter of a supermarket. On the whole the managers in the supermarket were perfectly pleasant, affable people doing a fine job. However, I began to notice that they were also, on the whole, completely oblivious to any impact their actions towards the staff had. And it wasn't just the big stuff that had the impact. It is easy to see how a word of acknowledgement or a request asked the right way altered the very being of the staff. Quite simply, treated well and with respect the staff would leave at the end of a shift happy, smiling and ready to go back to their families, or wherever, in a good mood. And vice versa.

Fairly obvious stuff surely. But have you thought about the bigger picture? The knock-on effects. It is all too easy to imagine a scenario where one of these staff members goes home in a bad mood because of something that happens at the workplace, argues with their partner, shouts at the kids, who know what else. And then what? Their partner is now in a bad mood and goes off to meet his mates in the pub and ends up in an argument, a fight, even. And so on, and so on.

Does this sound far-fetched? Perhaps the above is purely the output of my overactive imagination. Or perhaps it's not. What happened the last time you went home in a bad mood? Or came to work in a bad mood? Or vice versa. Do you know how far the way something you have said or done or the way you have said or done it has gone? And is still going.

After my time at the supermarket I was left with one very clear thought. Even if you aren't able to make a positive impact on someone else, make sure you are not making a negative one.

I invite you to go out in your lives and adopt this motto, first, do no harm.